freakingID

Are you thinking of:

• Leaving your spouse?
• Quitting your job?
• Moving?
• Cutting ties with anything else huge and life-altering?

Stop to understand why

Take some time to think about why you’re making this change. If there’s someone you can trust, ask them to give you their opinion as well, because your objectivity may not be the best.

Let me make it easy for you

Pontificating over the whys and wherefores can be complicated, so you might just avoid it altogether. Especially in situations where your emotions are at play, the last thing you may want is another decision to think about — even though it’s probably one of the most important times to stop and take a breath.

One easy way to look at your situation is by asking yourself:

“Am I running away from something that’s bad for me? OR. Am I running toward something that’s good for me?”

Go with your gut

A wordsmith could twist any situation to fit either question, but you need to be honest with yourself. Ask yourself these questions and go with your first answer — even if it just barely squeaks out of your mind before you squash it. That first answer is the correct one — not the answer you wish were true, that comes tromping out to smash reality.

The difference between TO and FROM

Running TO something is the best situation to be in. It usually means you’re in more control of your situation, and you’re making deliberate changes with specific intentions.

• You leave one job to start a new one you think will benefit you.
• You move from one City to a new one you believe fits your lifestyle better.
• You cut ties with one accountant to start a relationship with another who can provide more beneficial service.

Running FROM something is not a situation you want to find yourself in very often. When horses are trapped in the wild, it’s usually done by making them run FROM something (a helicopter, a jeep, loud noises, whatever.) When you’re running FROM something, you’re often too busy looking backward to pay attention to what’s in front of you — what you’re getting yourself in to. You may end up running from bad to worse.

Some classic “running FROM” examples:

• You’re unhappy with your family situation, so you leave instead of trying to work it out.
• You don’t like your job, so you get pissed one day and leave in a fit, without any real plan.
• Your business isn’t going well, and since it involves money, you irrationally blame your financial manager, failing to look at the situation objectively.

Sometimes you get lucky

If you run from bad to better — I’d say you just got lucky.

Sometimes you have no choice

I’m not saying running FROM is always bad. It usually means your situation is bad, though. If you’re being abused, and you don’t have a plan, by all means, run FROM the abuse. Odds are you will end up in a better situation. At the very least, you may find a neutral, safe environment to catch your breath in, and then make a deliberate plan to run TO something better.

Let me make it even more simple

I know, you’re emotional, and even what I said above is too much to think about right now. There’s an easy way to handle this. Get a cup of coffee or whatever, dry your tears for ten minutes, and do this:

1. Assume you are running FROM. Skip the TO possibility.
2. Define what you are running FROM as best you can.
3. Understand why you are running in the first place.
4. Imagine what will happen once you actually get away.

If the reason you were running in the first place has been satisfied, then perhaps running is the best thing to do. I could tell you to not let other side effects affect your decision, but that would be irresponsible of me. You have to consider the side effects and decide if they’re worth it.

Side effects

• You quit your job, and now you have no health insurance for your family.
• You leave your spouse, and now your children have to deal with a broken home.
• You fire your accountant, but you have no objective way to decide if that made a positive difference.

Now it’s time to cry again, because you have to wrestle with the side effects question. Sorry, I cannot give you an easy answer there.