freakingID

Apparently a ghost car parked here on Halloween

For a long time, I’ve been selling myself short. Since I couldn’t figure out what to do in college, and never finished, I’ve compromised many things to try proving myself to employers and holding down decent jobs.

West is still boring. Come take my leaf bag.

That’s worked out, in that I have always been able to get decent-paying jobs where I benefited them and they, well — they paid me. I usually found ways to get training or learn a ton of things on-the-job, which has certainly always been a plus.

My house is still there

This type of employment has not worked out, however, when it comes to self-actualization. I guess I can’t blame anyone but myself. I’ve always been preparing myself, constantly learning and exercising, waiting for opportunity to knock at the door so I could answer eagerly and finally get my “Success” badge.

In most of my jobs, I saw the potential for great opportunity, but my employers did not see it. They were not visionaries, and they weren’t able to grasp ideas I brought to them once I got tired of waiting. I guess those are the types of employers who hire people without degrees or something, so it’s the bed I’ve made.

Last-minute spookiness was still cool. I think I added spiders after this

Once it sets in that my jobs are just that — jobs — I end up seeking fulfillment in other ways. I stab randomly at various hobbies I may have a passing interest in. I experiment with different areas of my life, trying to figure out what I’m missing, where the utopian horizon is that I should be striving for. When those experiments affect relationships, the effects are nearly catastrophic. There clearly is a separate god for fools.

I can't say "onward" today, because I didn't actually go downtown

For 18 years, I’ve been laid back on purpose, trying not to take myself too seriously. I’ve always shunned the thought of being goal-oriented, because that just wasn’t “Zen” enough. Quite literally, plans and goals seemed very Owl-like, and not very Pooh-like, so it wasn’t my thing.

Pooh, the "Uncarved Block"

I never got hungry enough to want to change that. People hired me, I felt validated, see the non-college boy rubbing elbows with the big-wigs, until he feels stifled and under-utilized and quits with about 60 seconds notice, moving on to the next mis-managed organization.

That looks *exactly* like me, too!

It’s a shame, because with even a loosely-defined goal, I could be light-years ahead of where I am now. By now, I could have contributed more significantly than just some little cog helping some inept machines move along a little smoother from time-to-time.

The Dagda

It’s okay. I’m getting hungry now. I’ve put together a plan that should really move me forward, but it’s loose enough to keep from throwing Pooh into a frenzy.

Wish me luck.